i apologise if i have misused this word in the past, but please let me be clear, this is not suffering.

don’t get me wrong, within these walls, within the context of training i have experienced the deepest and sharpest physical pains of my life. i have experienced emotional pain. self-hatred. anger. depression. defeat.

but that is not the same.

what i, what we feel, it is the bite of sandpaper.

the cut of a file.

the sharp gouge of a chisel.

it is empowerment. it is the creative process. it is the removal of that which we have deemed unnecessary. the shaping, the becoming. the self imposed change of what we have been given into what we will ourselves to become.

too many times i have been asked why. why i train so hard*, why i work so much, why i don’t relax more, why i don’t go out and “have fun”

simply: i wish to become more than i am.

not only wish, but will. but work.

i am willing to pay the price.

i am willing to use my emotions, all of my emotions, to propel me further, to come closer to that goal.

the gym is a beautiful thing. it is a place where – through will, attention, knowledge and hard work – we progress. the iron does not care who you know. it does not care what your plans are or how you fucking feel today. it does its job, and we do ours. it is a counterweight to our action. something to struggle against. it is a grindstone on which to sharpen our very selves.

i read somewhere that we can be no more or less than what we are.

i believe we can be no more then we chose to become.

what do you chose?

that choosing is what interests me most. that understanding that the battle is won or lost most often before the task has even begun.

this is not suffering.

this is empowerment.

*which in the grand scheme is not very hard at all.

There is pure terror in self-actualization. – dan harm (http://chasingafter2012.blogspot.com/)

amen.

wanting is not enough. wishing is not enough. praying is not enough.

doing. action. ability. this is what we need to deal with.

training is a constant reminder of small steps. of constant pressure. of slow trends and long term gains. training reminds us that what we want matters only as far as we act on it. that even the most perfect plan is utterly useless if left unexecuted.

the terror inherent in self actualization is that there is no one else to blame. time is finite, and fleeting. if you want to truly excel at something it is going to cost. we cut things out of our lives we deem unnecessary. we focus. we weigh and measure and calculate. true cost. worth. we spend our moments like a mizers pennies, knowing each is irreplaceable – but useless in the purse.

wishing things are different does not make them so. do work. and give things the attention they deserve.

it is simple. work hard. work smart. stand or fail on your own efforts. time spent wishing is time wasted.

wishes did not get you here.

training is like geology. it is the study of pressure and time. and, like geology, it is about utility. it is about function.

many factors impact the athlete, the trainee. physical, psychological, emotional. stressors applied both internally and externally. theoretical models are only useful as a template. a starting point. that which we wish matters little, it matters only as a goal. we do work with the tools we have – for to die with a sword still sheathed is to do an injustice to yourself and those who rely on you. emotion is a tool. it is a conduit to moments and trends that happen too fast or too slow for our conscious mind to grasp. like all tools, it must be guided by a skilled hand. a skill that takes time and effort to master.

i was once told that anything worth doing is worth doing badly until you can do it well. to use a crutch when it was needed, and to hate every minute of it. to constantly want for more, but to use the tool that the moment calls for. threats, rewards, competition…. i would love to operate at my highest levels without those things, but i am not there yet. until that moment, i will orchestrate these things. i will test my self, arbitrarily at times. i will occasionally compete, even if its just against myself – with a goal, and a punishment for failure. to me, at this juncture, a test is the easiest way to create the intensity i desire. to impart the emotional content necessary for me to break out of bad habits, to stay on schedule, and to give every ounce.

this is a step. a station. a snapshot.

get inspired where you can.
get angry if you must.
but only as far as it helps you progress.

this is about function. it is about utility. this is about purpose.

use what you have. everything that you have. or else never know your true potential.

work is done. it costs. time, money, and discomfort. be it scars or art, it leaves its mark.

we struggle with emotions the way a dancer struggles with gravity; diligently, methodically, and ultimately hopelessly. for the final goal is not to conquer this adversary, but through the deliberate application of pressure, of time, and of Will, to absorb and reflect its strength. to attain through our own efforts the knowledge and grace to turn its strength into our own, to know when to bend and when to leap – when to bow out and when to hurl our passion like buckets of paint across a stage. to give every last drop of our selves, not for the critics, not for the spectators, but in gratitude of a worthy adversary, a constant friend. a force that, at the same time, refuses us our goals and forms the only tools to attain them.

so work hard. work smart. this fight will last the rest of your life. and you will be better for it.

-the station.

http://www.radiolab.org/blogs/radiolab-blog/2010/jul/26/secrets-of-success/

an interesting argument.

i dont remember if it was gladwell or goleman who stated that excellence has an entry fee (of IQ or talent), a minimum level of “gifted-ness” but after that it is social conditioning, it is grit. that to be great, one must have a bit of “natural” ability, but that after a certain tipping point, it is all about putting in the hours, about doing the work.

i never really played sports as a kid. i was a loner. i was out of shape. i read books and looked at athleticism as something for “other people” , “talented” people. i never tried because i had already made a decision, i had no room for growth (at least in that direction) in my self image. moreover, i did not understand it. i did not love it.

i believe that is one of the reasons why the idea of “gifted” and “talented” is so prevalent, its easy to separate yourself, us and them, gifted and not. “i wasn’t born with the talent so i can never be good so i don’t have to try”, its a bit harder to say “i wont be any good because i don’t want to try” or simply “i don’t care enough to try”

people who excell are obsessed. it is a constant. the hours of work. the attention paid. call it love or madness, but the people who get it done are the ones who show up. day after day. and work. the people who dream of their work. who sit and think of new ways to push themselves. people who sit and probe themselves for weakness, who seek out tests to expose those weaknesses, to highlight what needs to be fixed. people willing to do what is hard, to do what is smart. and to pay the price.

depression led me to self examination. to the methodical measuring and excising of self. to keep what is useful and cut out the rest. this served me well and after a few months i had pieced myself back together into something better. leaner, lighter, and more focused. driven. training, working out, only made sense to me after it was filtered through that experience. only after was it explained to me in those terms that i understood, that i felt passionate about, did i make any meaningful progress. love or obsession, it is about emotional content. it is about driving force. it is about the will. get to know that force, it will be your greatest ally, through it you can supercede yourself. understand it. train it. test it and flex it. and do it often.

flame out.

warm up with wall squats and SOTS presses
work up to heavy KB swings, OHS form and some jumping

then:

5x OHS (light)
5x box jump (high)
15x cals on airdyne
5x KB swings (heavy)

max rounds in 25 minutes.

there were some variations, Nate did front squats (OHS form is still a bit shaky so we don’t want to set any bad movement patterns that we will have to correct later)

Chris did step ups and “hard style” push-ups (and i think he would like to thank Rob MacDonald for that one)

i did Slosh Pipe OHS and 20 cals on the airdyne.

chris and i also worked for 30 minutes, good fun was had by all, and everyone hates the airdyne just a little bit more.

there has been a conversation going around at the gym – it started when i was in SLC and i brought it back home to see how others interpreted it. its an old problem really, a toxic mix of faith and focus.

converts make the fiercest zealots. when we find something that helps us (physically or mentally) we give it power. we, as in humans, are so quick to give ourselves over to this tool. to allow it to, eventually, use us.

it is the dieter who looks for tweaks in micro-nutrients to get better athletic performance.

the yoga practitioner who looks to increase flexibility to loose weight.

the overly-academic trainer who reads more books to get better.

while there is nothing wrong with tweaking ones diet, with reading and collecting more data, but it has its time and its place.

we love success. we attach ourselves to strategies that work, we develop faith and it becomes our solution to everything. whenever we struggle, it is easy to blame it on an improper micro-nutrient balance, on poor flexibility, on a lack of good training data. on the things we know, that we are good at, that we know how to work with.

the hard thing to do is recognize that the tool that got you from point A to point B may not be able to get you from point B to point C.

that armor that saved your life in battle will kill you in a sinking ship.

to be honest.

to be critical.

to look without faith or romance at your strengths and weaknesses, at your abilities and your shortcomings.

to find the problem, and to fix it.

is my diet what is holding me back? or is it just the easiest thing to adjust?

its fine to honor your victories. to give credit where it is due. remain vigilant, but don’t waste tomorrow fighting yesterdays battle. there are many fronts, countless approaches, and chances are there is one or two that are being neglected.

simply put, big picture : find out what you are bad at, and get better.

find out what is holding you back – and correct it.

i heard the goal of the GYM JONES seminar summed up simply as “to teach you how to think” and while that may initially feel like some sort of affront, the growth that comes from listening with an open mind to a variety of driven, talented, curious and intelligent individuals is invaluable and immeasurable. check your assumptions with your ego – or be willing to watch them die in front of you (and others).

in the words of a friend –

struggle well.

-b

warmup:
10 min row

5x clean hi-pull + 5x box jumps – 5 rounds

95# – 24″
115# – 28″
135# – 32″
135# – 34″
135# – 36″

2k row for time – 7:09.3

knee jumps, however, feel like an exercise in faith.

space is important.

space is important, but not always for the reasons we think it is.

we apply the pressure to ourselves.

i have been in SLC since saturday night, i have lost 4 pounds, taken a recovery shower every day, as well as 15-30 minutes with a foam roller, plus a walk of at least 2 miles. spare time is usually spent with the lore of running, or re-reading seminar notes/notebooks and today is focused on drawing up 3 month plans for myself and some of my athletes.

the space makes this easy. the knowledge, the dedication of the people i have a chance to work with this week makes it easy to step up my game, to act ideally.

training with people who are better than you has its way of pulling you up, pulling you along on your own path. being surrounded with dedicated individuals makes it easier to pursue your own goals, even without any sort of encouragement. water seeks its own level.

it is true i lack distractions here, but the recovery work, the food, the logs, hydration, these are not difficult or time consuming. this is not something special. i am grateful for the knowledge i have received already – and still have more to do – but more than that i hope i can bring back the feeling of responsibility and focus. the pressure.

we do it to ourselves. we drive ourselves.

the test is if we can hold on, exert that pressure when no one is watching. improve.

time will tell.

“I am set out to be exactly the person I mean to, and unapologetically.”


this quote has come up more than once in the past week. i am constantly surprised by the amount of grief laid on dedicated people. how near strangers will tell me and others that we work too hard. that we should take a break. have fun. live a little. to stop always behaving like we are at work.

i actually take pride in my work. i take pride in the fact that i plan, execute, evaluate and improve. if that makes my whole life a job than i will take pride in the fact that i am good at it. that i enjoy it. i will not waste my time playing house. pretending to pay attention to pointless conversations in an attempt to be social.

bring something to the table.

speak and act with purpose.

follow through.

because time is valuable. and fleeting.

in 24 hours i land in SLC, i have 5 days. the goal is simply to learn. more than that, to find weakness. to ask people i respect to assess my shortcomings. to help me acquire the information i need in order to improve…

5 days.

fleeting indeed.