“I am set out to be exactly the person I mean to, and unapologetically.”


this quote has come up more than once in the past week. i am constantly surprised by the amount of grief laid on dedicated people. how near strangers will tell me and others that we work too hard. that we should take a break. have fun. live a little. to stop always behaving like we are at work.

i actually take pride in my work. i take pride in the fact that i plan, execute, evaluate and improve. if that makes my whole life a job than i will take pride in the fact that i am good at it. that i enjoy it. i will not waste my time playing house. pretending to pay attention to pointless conversations in an attempt to be social.

bring something to the table.

speak and act with purpose.

follow through.

because time is valuable. and fleeting.

in 24 hours i land in SLC, i have 5 days. the goal is simply to learn. more than that, to find weakness. to ask people i respect to assess my shortcomings. to help me acquire the information i need in order to improve…

5 days.

fleeting indeed.

“your wishes are very small things in this world… you are valuable because of what you can do, not what you want.”

this is not sad. this is not negative. this is a reminder that your wants, wishes and intentions are your own, and no help to anyone else unless, until, you act upon them. not only act upon them, but actualize them. i don’t want to hear your plans. i don’t even want to hear my own at this moment. i want to do. i want to make. implement. become. to grow. and to cut out that which is not useful. talk is cheap, and occasionally self sabotaging. there is not enough time. there is too much to do…

20 calories on the airdyne – directly to front plank for equal time. 5 rounds.

while your wants and intentions guide your actions, in the moment they are meaningless.
it is action. it is ability. currency. it is the will and the means to pay what is required.

watch what you say.

words, for all their ineffectualness, form the framework of how we see the world. we use language to create our expectations, to guide our experiences. something changes in the telling, we can remake memories, we can loose detail or gain favor. we can frame our losses as wins and our bullshit excuses as valid reasons. all we have to do is tell ourselves over and over and over again. “can’t” and “won’t” are not the same thing, neither are “need” and “want”. be honest. what do you need? what “can’t” you do? say you won’t. say you don’t want to. take the responsibility. forget social nicety and be honest. if you look at a task as being impossible you wont be surprised if you fail. its ok to call things hard when they are but realize that the way you think shapes things. we constantly sort and compartmentalize our world. we fit things into boxes that we understand and are all too quick to truncate or mislabel out of fucking laziness or in an attempt to protect our ego. here is a question, what use is an ego that is so easily shattered? what kind of “self” isn’t up to that kind of test? our sense of self is a tool. it can be a weapon. it is the root, the why and the how. so make it hard. keep a keen edge. wield it with the confidence that comes from a familiarity with its essence, and its limits. lies stick like rust and too much time in the dark can leave it brittle and ineffectual. test your metal. your temper. flex and grind, break and rebuild. these words are not accidents, and these tools are not for display. if they are beautiful it is because they are functional. useful. crafted deliberately – with a goal in mind. and they are for me as much as anyone who might be reading them.

there have been some experiments happening lately. tests of the effects of consequences and self image. a warmup of throwing medicine balls at 13′ targets where the weight you choose determines the amount of hits you have to score, and any misses must be atoned for. and what was initially designed as a “tag team” style workout turned into an interesting study in incentive. an active phase (row for meters, box jump, airdyne for calories, whip smash, pullup) paired with a static hold (FLR on rings, slosh pipe overhead hold, Ring support, Tuck hang, and wall sit, respectively) the player completes the active round and then must immediately hold the static for equal time. if time is achieved the player graduates to the next task; if it is not, the goalpost is moved (reduced by 20-25%) and the player must repeat the test.

the goals were reasonable and the incentive was strong enough, and as of yet no one has had to repeat a task, although there were some very tense moments. it led to joking around about the idea of “if you aren’t failing you aren’t trying hard enough”, because how much can you know about yourself if you have never been in a fight? in all seriousness it was a useful day, both physically and psychologically, experiments are interesting, but the work must be done – our goal in improvement, not entertainment.

one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in the last five years is this: human beings seek attention in much the same way we seek food and water. the main difference is we are taught from an early age to recognize and react to the latter two in a more or less healthy way. attention, however, often goes overlooked. not overlooked, but misunderstood. the desire for attention is often masked as a desire for information, as a desire to learn, or as a desire to teach. to misinterpret the root, the driving force behind a behavior is a near flawless way to avoid meaningful progress. learn to tell the difference. learn to make due with less attention. separate the want to learn from the want to be seen learning. make real progress.

20110202
warmup w/ 5 minute row
30x 30/30 row

later

warmup w/ 5 minute airdyne
30x 30/30 airdyne

the row was interesting. started at 150m per work interval, but was unable to recover properly, i trimmed back to 145, and even 142 by 10 minutes in. at this point the stroke rate fell, but the meters climbed, the last 10 minutes were a pretty solid 145m at 26-27 SPM. all in all, a useful session.

airdyne happened 11 hours later, 461 total calories, 20 in the 1st two minutes, 15 in each following minute. averaged 3 of those calories in the 30 seconds off…. compared to a similar workout in october, my recovery is improving, and mentally, the minutes don’t drag on as they used to.

a fine teacher, a ruthless judge.

warmup:
work up to heavy back squat

work:
100x back squat at 50% with a 5x burpee penalty for each time the bar is racked.

max Deadlifts at bodyweight without setting bar down

-b:
back squat – 275
100x @ 135, only one break (admittedly a long one) at 50
DL @ 175 – 39 and my hand popped open, this will be repeated.

i also did 50x burpees as a penalty. initially i had planned on doing the back squats at bodyweight, but i talked myself out of it, convinced myself it was “overreaching” and, simply, chickened out. this was a failure on the behavior end and such failures need correcting.

consequences have an interesting way of changing ones behavior.

the devil you know often wins against the devil you don’t.

early:
max KB snatches in 10 minutes

(later)
5 minute warmup on airdyne
10 minute airdyne, arms only
5 minute active recovery
10 minutes legs only

(thanks Rob MacDonald)

then

3×1-6 pullup ladder

-b: got some athletes set up for the SSST and decided to join them and practice pace. got 151 in 8 minutes w/ 53#, and felt really good, pacing was steady for 5 minutes, then sped up for the last 3.

airdyne work happened at the end of the day, arms only score was 107, legs only score was 142. i feel that my arms should be helping me more during my standard airdyne work and thought this was too perfect to pass up. i was hoping for 300 calories total, and missed by a long shot. i did find some pacing that felt good in the last half of the legs only, and will have to apply that in the coming week.

i have been doing better with recovery work, and my shoulder is only rarely an issue, i definetly recommend finding a good ART practitioner for anyone spending a lot of time in the gym.

warmup:
5 minute airdyne – 15cal/minute pace

20 minutes airdyne with 10 second sprint every minute

25 single chest to bar pullups ( walk ~20 ft between each)

total calories: 297

this was the first hard workout in almost a week, it could have been worse – but thats about the best thing i can say about my performance. i had some friends who were really sick, i just had a taste, but can be hard to back off, and terrible when you can not perform where you want. im gad i didnt end up any sicker, and that it’s over. back to work.

there was an interesting discussion at the gym this weekend – during a KB rack hold an athlete found how to settle her elbows into her hips and belly breathe, taking some of the pressure off – as a testament to her integrity, she asked if it was cheating…

i told her it was ok, initially because that’s what i was told – but began to think of where we draw the line, and why. rack holds are interesting to see how a person recovers under a load, this has a rather apparent correlation to fight training, but i see it as psychological training for anyone whose sport will not allow them to wholly relax while they recover. when pinned on the mat, or hanging from a rock face, it is possible to work within certain confines, and being efficient (and sometimes a little creative) is a lesson worth practicing. it is here where we have to ask if our work in the gym is applicable to our real-world challenges. for example, i do not permit rolling the weight of the kettlebell on top of the shoulder, this transfer of stress deviates enough from the lesson to qualify it as “cheating”. simply put – make the argument. train for a purpose, learn a lesson. if questions come up, simply ask is this useful? is it practical? it is easy to make a hard workout. it is easy to crush anyone. it takes a lot more effort to be useful. to improve.

kevins 1 minute max on the airdyne has jumped 4 calories the last two times he has attempted (32, 36 and 40 – respectively – in the last few months) it is true that his overall fitness is improving, but a large part is he is beginning to understand what “all out” really means..

holding a single heavy kettlebell eliminates many of the postural tricks, it can be an interesting test, or a punishment for straying too far from the lesson….

learning.

hard work today. run, ride, lift, plank. still not at the level i want, but getting there.

latley i have been remembering a teacher of mine – we were starting a six month program and he addressed the students – told us he would learn more from us than we would from him. at the moment, i felt he was just being humble, but since i have started teaching others – those words echo back on a near daily basis. taking responsibility for others flipped a switch in my head,