benched.

and the frustration that goes along with it.

a lot went on in the gym this last week, but not much by me. a touch of flu, while not forcing total rest, made even recovery workouts feel sluggish. the facinating thing is the voices. the deamons. that constant questioning if i am slacking, that knee jerk response to respond to discomfort by owning it. pouring salt into the wound. to punish oneself for that desire to quit by forcing another rep, another meter.

i am trying to be smart, smarter than that. but it is hard. there is always that doubt that i am not that sicktiredover-trained. that if i want it bad enough i can have it…

and there is a time for that. there is a time to sacrifice, to pay the price for success or survival with a pound of flesh, to hurl ones self into a task, into a contest, with no safety net and no reservation.

that test however, does not happen in a gym. does not happen as a part of ones training. there are things we do to try and ensure that on that day we are willing and able to carve off that price – with deliberate movements and a steady hand.

work is coming back – it hurt today, and i was not thrilled with the results. but one of the first things i learned when i started training was this little gem from Mark Twight – “you can’t look good and improve at the same time”

warmup: 10 minute row

workout:

row. 500m must be completed every 2 minutes. continue until failure

i completed 15 rounds. 7500m in 30 minutes. the first few averaged 20-21 SPM and i was as high as 31-34 by round 15. it felt very different than holding 2:15/500m, this test will be re-examined in a few weeks…

“Listen to advice given from experience. it cost a great deal, but you are not charged for it.” – idries shah (probably others but that is where i got it.)

workout- Jonesworthy

i was on the receiving end of a lot of great advice in 2010, i owe a lot to the the GYMJONES family, with a special thanks to Michael Blevins and John Frieh – now i just have to put it into action. the best way, the only meaningful way, to thank a teacher is to use what you have been taught.

for the support, for the advice, this is the only thanks i can offer. to deserve it. to earn it.

move forward.

and another thanks to Mark Twight for this gem (via the SALVATION site): “don’t let all the shit you know keep you from putting it to use.” – i think i needed to hear that.

Jonathan requested this picture be taken (although probably jokingly). grip width can have interesting effects on ones overhead work, and ones limits.

breathe.

Warmup on the rower

work up to heavy OHS
6×2 @ 155# (85% pr) OHS, rest plenty between

10x SOTS press
10x SOTS press @ 10#
5x SOTS press @ 15#

20x pullups

today was scheduled for a power/endurance, it was meant to be ugly. it was not in the cards.

still adjusting to the new schedule, but i am screwing up less, and that is progress.

my training has taken a back seat in the last 12 months, i put in many hours, but volume without direction has limited growth potential at best, and can be disastrous. the past 2 weeks have been dedicated to creating a schedule, to adding and subtracting certain elements and taking a little more control of my conditioning. for starters, my endurance sits somewhere between sucks and shitty on the continuum. i aim to remedy that.

warmup: 10 minute row

workout:
30 second hard, 90 second recovery, 16 intervals

the goal was to get 1 extra m per interval…

did i mention i suck at pacing.

my plan was to start at 150 m and work up from there, i thought it would be reasonable, and it might have been, but somehow my dumb ass did 163 the first round. i thought about calling a mulligan and simply starting over, but there was some self flagellation in order…

r1. 163
r2. 163
r3. 164
r4. 164
r5. 163
r6. 150
r7. 150
r8. 150
r9. 150
r10. 150
r11. 150
r12. 150
r13. 149
r14. 151
r15. 150
r16. 150

recovery shower: 2 cycles 4 minutes cold, 2 minutes hot.
silat: 1 hour
foam roller, pvc and racquetball work (nagging shoulder injury needs a lot of pressure to release) – 15 minutes

things have been quiet the past few weeks, mostly laying groundwork. proper preparation. mindfulness. creating schedules, a framework. scaffolding.

physical fitness and behavior modification.

many (if not most) individuals are more in need of the later. that is to say, their short comings have more to do with compliance, with adherence, as opposed to technology. making these changes is simple. its training. at times i mean rolled up news paper kind of training. i mean dinner chimes. i mean schedules for every day. while i agree that measuring and weighing every piece of food is as much of an eating disorder as sticking a finger down ones throat, consideration must be given to the goal. to the cost and perceived benefit. obsessive compulsive disorder can be debilitating, but under the right circumstances and with a measure of control it simplifies and streamlines our life. behavior creates habit. be conscious of that fact.

lay the groundwork.

take control of your conditioning.

set a goal.
make a plan.
execute it.
evaluate it.
repeat.

there are many small changes in the gym this week. time will tell if they have the desired effect.

the allegory of “training” is astounding.

the Sufi’s created “study groups”, groups of individuals assembled for a
purpose, and with the big picture in mind. individuals with traits necessary
to the group. individuals chosen, assigned, to bring an element to the
group. to create a space and momentum in a direction. to correct imbalances.
to encourage certain behavior, and at times to serve as examples (in either
direction).

there are also many stories of disciples being assigned work. weaving,
tin-smithing, enameling, etc. these physical tasks were never openly linked
to their spiritual teachings, but were used as allegorical tools. to help
prepare the student for the next part of the teaching. to show real world
consequences. to show, say, how bringing certain traits to the front and others
behind at specific and critical points, when viewed from close seems erratic
and nonsensical, but viewed from afar will create the images woven into a
tapestry.

carving is the removal of what is unnecessary to expose the artists will.
one learns about stages of reduction, working within constraints, and
adaptation to unexpected irregularities of material. there are many tools,
and they function differently in different mediums…

tin-smithing – as we shape a relatively soft metal, bend it to our will, it
hardens. if we go too fast, it will crack. it must be tempered, softened
with heat and time before it can be moved farther. artistry brings the
proper shape and hardness together at the appropriate time.

at each moment we are making choices. weighing options. these choices all
have consequences. long term and short. not recognizing an action as a
willful choice, or dismissing an obviously harmful option as no option at
all only robs us of the responsibility. of that choice. of owning up to it,
and hopefully learning something.

by accepting the weight of our conditioning. by recognizing that all the
little choices we make -like the threads of the weaver- will eventually make
a picture, we are – hopefully – taking some measure of control, acting
mindfully. acting with purpose.

the gym is adaptation to stressors.

the gym is an expression of discipline.

the gym is mindfulness of our selves.

the gym is our relationship to our surroundings.

strength, endurance, flexibility, speed, capacity, durability,
conditioning….

the gym is where all of these words can be measured, at least in some small
part of their definition.

these traits are addressed throughout the scope of their definition. while I
am not trying to equate gym training, the relatively mild discomfort we put
ourselves through, to the deepest ends of those terms, I believe – if we let
it – it can send a ripple that way.

better men than i have said: the gym is only preparation for the real thing. it is a
step on a path. a station. a crucible. a method of converting raw materials
into a tool to complete a task. the best tools may give us an advantage, but
only if we put in the time and effort to use them.

a hammer doesn’t build a house.

perhaps more accuratley, a hammer is not a house…

time is finite. and most of us got a late start. layering these lessons is
the only way I see to absorb them enough to allow them to be
expressed in our personality.

constant awareness. objective tests. (healthy) community support.
mentorship.

these encourage our efficiency. these drive us. force our expectations
beyond….

I feel that is the function of a training center. with the time we spend, we
might as well work these lessons on as many levels as we can…

learning….

-the station

there was a discussion going around in SLC when i was there, there had been some recent gym testing to see how peoples suspected outcome influenced their actual performance. about goal setting, focus, and unintended consequences.

i wish i had paid more attention.

i can be a slow learner. i like to chew things over. dissect them. work them alone. i like to look from many angles. to manipulate and mull. to explore and validate for myself.

this takes time.

this takes focus.

focus in one place may equal blindness in another.

back in salt lake, i had my information, had my plan, but when it mattered, failed to step back and re-assess when the opportunity arose. i let old demons and that nagging little voice talk me out of an opportunity to learn. i was handed a rope and didn’t even bother to hang myself with it. just turned it down because it didn’t fit into my plan. i did not adapt soon enough. couldn’t switch gears. couldn’t get my head out of my ass and see what was around me. i had my plan…

flexibility. if you don’t use it, you will lose it.

its time to learn lessons and move on, for “should have” is about as useful as “used to be”. its over. learn. grow. and fucking move on.

to make a new mistake tomorrow.

back in SLC, the GYM JONES level 2 seminar.

interesting points were brought up, technical skill, programming, but mostly the sense of involvement. of investment. the amount of time and care that the trainers put into their athletes. of all the differences between this place and countless other gyms, boxes or warehouses, this one seems to be the crux. quality over quantity. coaching in the true sense. management. physical. psychological. few people actually train between those walls because the emmotional content of their training. the true cost, if you will. coaches loosing sleep over their athletes responses to the stresses of training, of competition, of their job and kids and boss. this is impractical for the traditional gym business model. this level of commitment continues to surprise me, continues to inspire me. to work harder. to work smarter. to plan better. i have a little more time here, to scratch and to dig. to find, if not answers, than guideposts. to see how it is done, and to make it my own.

to pay attention.

This is the crux of many problems. The need. The solution.

Why?

The depth of that word is limited only by our imagination. Not only why this and not that, but why ask the question? Why frame it with those words? What are we truly looking for?

I remember learning to hunt, learning about camouflage and stalking. The question then: what am I hiding from, and why? To what end?

Idries Shah poses an interesting point: are you asking a question because you want information or because you want entertainment? Want attention from your teacher?

Are you looking for truth or permission?

Are you looking for hope or facts?

Are you trying to change or stay the same?

And are you willing to pay the price? To put in the effort? Because if you want it, want anything, then the path begins to form. The road. We must ask these questions first. To know where we start. To know where we are going. Without that knowledge, with out truly exploring those questions we can never hope to navigate this mess. We must be honest. Lies will simply subvert our goals. We would never lie when asking for directions, and sticking feathers up your ass does not make you a chicken. Truth can be hard. Deal with it. Or don’t bother asking the question.

I am sitting on a plane, waiting. Thinking. Searching for the right question.

it has been just over 3 years since i first started training in earnest, since i first visited the GYM JONES facility in SLC, utah. since i first saw in action what i had hardly even imagined possible. in those years there have been many workouts, many internal dialogues. i worked through many of the “standard” and foundation workouts, and while some were modified, i never quit. well, almost never. it was almost exactly 3 years ago when i took a 45# bar to the local track and gave it a shot. 4x OH walking lunges + 4x Push presses. 1 lap. not too bad right?

right…

i went maybe 50 yards, turned around, did maybe 40 and made a b line back to my truck, tail tucked and hands frozen.

i head out to salt lake city in 7 days, my 3rd time and am eager to learn, but i had some unfinished business to take care of.

i wasn’t going to quit this time.

there was a minute where i actually thought it wasnt going to be so bad… and the first 50 m was alright, but, when the best you can say about the first 1/8 of a workout is that it is “alright” you are probably in for a long haul.

39:53. minor frostbite in my fingertips, and a touch of redemption.

and now, back to work.