Archives for December 2013

we have a saying in the gym – it’s not mean if its true.

we become who we hang around. on a subtle level, the people with whom we spend the most time create our expectations, our normal – water seeks its own level. more actively the people we care about shape us. they challenge us, they pay attention and ask questions. they have expectations.

there is a balance to be sought, but in general too many social relationships tend towards acceptance rather than challenge.  people (for the most part) are quick to silently accept bullshit excuses and, after long enough, we start to believe the same stupid, made-up reasons we hide behind – we convince ourselves to stay the same. too many excuses only seem valid because they continue to go unchallenged. there is a value in negativity, in challenge. there is a value in learning to defend yourself, your ideas. there is also value in learning to accept being called out. to be thankful for the friend who points out your weakness, the crack in your argument. in the art world, it is called a crit. a critique. stand before your peers, display your work, and hold on because you are about to be questioned, challenged, and torn apart. it can get ugly. tears and broken friendships – but in the end you know more…

knowledge, and the will to act on it. encouragement as well as challenge. a group of peers who expect you to improve every day. friends who will not accept half measures or mediocrity. the discussion has been going on in the media – about how easy it is to only see stories that reinforce your current beliefs. how many of us seek challenge in our social circles? or even tolerate it? how many people have you heard make the claim that they are done with negative people? that they will not allow negativity in their life? there are very few things in life that are one dimensional. there is a reason the most common answer i give people is “it depends”. there are many forms of negativity, and learning to listen, learning to accept challenge (and challenge in return) can make us all better.

we need negativity. we need critics. there is no reason life should be easy. it should be valuable. it should be worth it. encouragement is nice,  at the beginning. once the goal matures from “start” to “improve” it becomes apparent that positive reinforcement is an emotional asset and (mostly) a tactical waste. positive reinforcement gives us precious little information. challenge, however…. negativity will show us how we are weak. misplaced negativity will show us the agenda of our attacker. it is all information, and is valuable – if we use it.

edit. remove. replace. be aware of your surroundings and of their effect on you. have an agenda. reinforce said agenda in every facet of your life. learn your social value. learn your cost. learn to say no. no. NO. some of you need to learn to be selfish. some of you need to pull your head out of your ass. all of us need more people to tell us which camp we are in at any particular moment.

here is a new years resolution i can get behind – defend yourself.

 

the weight never lies. challenge and honesty. the opportunity to improve. all it requires is the willingness to meet it half way. to listen. and to offer challenge in return.

 

sta·tion

verb
1.
Put in or assign to a specified place for a particular purpose

 

this is not an accident.

all things have their order. there are stages of progression, requirements for advancement… too often though, people put the cart before the horse. we want so badly that we forget what we have. where we are. our hearts and heads tweak tiny knobs as if we have earned the right, like adjusting the star on a tree we never bothered to put up…

i am not being clear…

this is the time of year for plans. for quick tips and ten easy ways. we make promises. we plot and we scheme… we spend so much time looking for the advantage, the secret, the shortcut. we want to feel special. we want a program…

the truth is, if you suck at something you don’t need a program, you just need to do it. seriously… if there is something that you are terrible at, something you want to learn how to do, you probably do not need lessons or a coach – you just need to show up and do the thing. sure, it helps to ask questions, to watch someone who is truly proficient, but chances are you are not even good enough to make use of formal training. this is not an insult – all things have their order. their cost. there are big, simple lessons that are only really learned in the doing.  people call me because they want to do a triathlon  – not win one, not place better, but simply finish one. they do not need a gym; they need a bike, a pair of running shoes, and a place to swim. they just need to learn not to quit. over and over, not to quit. make it a habit, not to quit. they would do well to have a friend to work with them, but that’s it. it is startling how proficient you can become when you stop looking for shortcuts and start spending that time and energy on doing the fucking work.

the fitness industry, the diet industry, so much is built on selling plans to people who will never execute them. on cashing in on someones hopes instead of telling them the truth, telling them to step back and build a bit of a foundation. dont get me wrong, plans often help – but in this age of cell phones and youtube, i dont believe anyone who claims that they cant do something because of lack of information. we over think things. we paralyze ourselves with data points and search for the newest trick, for something to give us an edge – forgetting that we are trying to sharpen a tool that we don’t even possess. to put it simply, when you truly suck at something it doesn’t matter what you do, it matters that you do it. if you want to get better at writing – write. if you want to be a better runner – run. dont talk about it. dont post about it on the fucking internet. just do the thing. do it a lot. do it for a couple months, silently, diligently, consistently. some days will be hard. you will have questions. try and work through it, try and solve your own fucking problems. do your fucking homework and then ask someone for help.  having that base will allow you to make use of information instead of simply consuming it. you may also be surprised by how many charlatans there are, so called experts are selling advice on shit they know nothing about. being able to ask good questions will help you spot the bullshitters, and it will get you noticed by people who can actually help. willingness to work will open doors. will make the right people take you seriously. because the people who know what they are doing are busy. their time has value. they know it, and nothing is more offensive to a busy person than wasting their time.

 

supposedly, Einstein suggested we “make things as simple as possible, and no simpler” things are just as easy and as difficult as that.