1. stop looking to fucking internet lists to fix your life. realize that it will not be easy. it will not be quick. it will be fucking hard and uncomfortable and it will change you. if you want to be different you are going to have to do different things. it will hurt. it will be scary. deal with it.
2. get to know yourself. really. ask some hard questions. why do you like what you like? hate what you hate? why have you succeeded in the past? why have you failed? what are you good at? bad at? how do you talk to people who you need something from? who need something from you? what are your assumptions based on? what makes you happy? what scares you? why? this can be crippling at first. deal with it. the questions will never go away, they will simply turn into a constant undercurrent in your life. the more uncomfortable they are the more likely it is that you will find something useful.
3. take responsibility. really. anything you gathered from the list above – it is now your problem. insecure because your parents didn’t hug you enough? your problem. in debt because you got a degree in a field with no job opportunities – your problem. not over your ex? – your fucking problem. what i mean is that the world doesn’t care why you are fucked up, and as soon as you have an inkling of why you are that way – it no longer matters. more specifically, it only matters as far as it will give you a place to start fixing it. stop asking the world to expect less because you are unwilling to work on your self. explanations are not excuses. telling me why you are fucked up just tells me you know what the problem is but you refuse to fix it. that you would rather have an excuse to act broken than make a little effort and change into something better. or if you wont change, if you see use in what you have become – accept that this is you, is who you are, and fucking own it.
4.remember that your wants are very small things in this world, it is what you can do that matters. your reasons for acting are your own, and while that matters a great deal to you and slightly less to your friends and family, no one else fucking cares. too many people act as if their wanting is enough, as if they are entitled to something. do something. offer something. do it for your own reasons, but do something. even when that something is just exercising a little fucking restraint.
5. life is not fair. shitty genetics? deal with it. economic hardship? deal with it. people hate you because of your accent or religion or skin color? deal with it. complaining is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere. you can not change other people. you can not control the world. the only thing you can control is the thoughts in your head. through that, you control your body. your voice. and through that, you exert your influence. respect that fact. cultivate it. hone your tools, learn to wield them to your purpose. build a tribe, people who know. people who are unimpressed with your actions. people who expect more from you. people who challenge you. life is not fair, and you have already been dealt your hand – stop complaining about what you have been given and learn to play a beautiful game.