Not really.

Not for me anyway.

The most I can say is that I stop expecting it to be easy. That in those rare moments of crisp, screaming clarity –  I don’t want it to be easy. I don’t want it to be anything…

The goal is to change. To be different. If things have gotten “easier” over time then they did so because I realized the difference between wanting to have something and wanting to build something. What Jung would call the difference between a Sign and a Symbol. It’s true, having the thing may change my life, but earning the thing will change me.

Wanting something, wanting it delivered, now, easy… It left a bad taste in my mouth. It felt like begging. Like throwing coins into a well. There was no agency there. So i decided to focus on wanting to build. To change. “easy” was a reward, proof I had made the required changes, and a signal to move on. To bite off more. The fact that it was difficult meant it was working. The clean scrape of a file. The tap of a chisel. The sharp severing of something I no longer needed.

It felt like refinement.

So no. It doesn’t get easier. But eventually the results are worth the cost. Eventually the discomfort becomes part of the ritual. The sting of a tattoo needle, the burn of alcohol at the back of your throat. More than that, the ritual – the act is a mechanism that you can control. Results are not guaranteed, but i will sure-as-shit do my part.

Effort.

Attention.

These are things I can control. Things I can focus on. These are not gifts or endowments from the gods but decisions that I have made and paid for. Effort is a currency, and there is pride in paying my own way. “easy” is a cop-out.  Easy is a sign. It is a word, a place in time. Easy means that i was up to the task. Satisfactory.

I want more.

I am chasing symbols.

It never gets easy. That’s my story. That is my story because I don’t want to want it to be easy. I want to let the work do its work. I want this change so I need to learn to want the process. I need to teach myself. To convince myself. This is what it costs. This is what matters.

It might not be true, but it is useful.

And that is what I need right now.